Puppy Love

LOL.  So the title has nothing to do with a new love.  It is exactly what it says.  It’s about my puppy!   He’s been sick lately, so I had to take him to the vet.  They gave him some puppy medicaation, and he seems to be getting better.  By the way, whoever decided it was okay to give dogs medication in a capsule form obviously didn’t own a dog.  Why didn’t they just make it into some kind of chewable?  That would have made much more sense.  The vet weighed him in at 44.4 pounds, and he’s only eight months old.  So, he still has some growing to do.  In any case, he seems to be getting better though he’s still grouchy and got into a fight with Han yesterday.  Neither of them was hurt though, so I guess it’s okay for now.  I think Tai would be happier living by himself though.  I know I certainly would.

Otherwise, life continues on.  I’m still looking for a job.  I applied to a school that is fairly close almost four weeks ago and haven’t heard anything.  Usually I would take this as a no.  But, the job listing is still posted, and when I called the school they informed me that they don’t have an HR department.  So, I assume they have a third party that does their hiring for them.  They’re also hiring a lot of new people right now such as professors and other higher positions, so perhaps this position has just been pushed to a back burner.  So, I keep checking on it anyway though I don’t expect anything to turn out from it.  I even tried to get hired at a restaurant where my sister had a connection, and even that didn’t work.  That was pretty much the bottom of the barrel for me, so now I just check listings every day and see if anything’s new.  Other than that I try to be patient.

The year so far has been a hard one, and I really hope that the rest of it can be a little easier.  Otherwise, I’m not sure I’m going to survive to see Christmas.  The stress just might kill me before then unless it dies down a bit.  As it is I’ve been having a major depression spell the last couple of weeks, which just makes life harder.  Logically, I know it mainly stems from my joblessness.  I hate feeling useless, and not working does just that.  It also doesn’t help that I feel EXTREMELY unappreciated by my parents.  I mean I realize that I volunteered to come home and help them work out their finances, but a thank you once in a while would be nice.  “Thank you for keeping the electric on.  Thank you for making sure we eat.  Thank you for paying the mortgage each month.”  Instead, I usually get, “Why are we eating this again?  Don’t we have any snacks?  It’s too cold!  Are you trying to freeze us to death? etc.”  I know that’s really selfish of me, so I do my best to ignore such feelings.  That doesn’t mean they go away.  So then I get to feel guilty about feeling selfish, and the spiral goes on.  With the depression, also comes heaps of social anxiety.  I don’t want to see anyone I know or talk to them.  It makes life really fun.  Have I mentioned that all kinds of mental illness runs rampant through my family?  Guess I’m related to them after all.  LOL. :/

This is the main reason I haven’t posted lately.  Nothing’s worse than reading a dark depressing post, and I don’t want to remember myself like that or to have others think of me that way because usually I’m not.  So, I don’t want to look back on my entries and say, “Wow, I was a depressed little weirdo back then.  That’s great.”  So, I just don’t post at all.  But, I guess we all have bad days or bad weeks or bad months or even bad years.  So, I just have to make sure I cover the good alongside the bad.

The good things are just so small though that I know people would think me crazy for talking about them at all.  For example, one of the best parts of my days is watching The Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry.  I’ve seen probably every episode five times, but I still enjoy it.  We’ve also discovered the local library, and I have a library card now.  The library is kind of sad as in it has volume three of lots of different series but never volume one or two.  So, it’s a bit frustrating, but it’s still there.  I’ve also had time to take up a bit of creative writing and web design again, which I haven’t done much of for the last decade.  So, although they’re simple, these are the things I look forward to, and of course there’ll be cheap chocolate on sale tomorrow! 

So, I’ll trudge on…

A New Year

It’s been a while since my last update.  This is mainly because of two things.  First, December was CRAZY.  It was full of good food, presents, drama, crises, and everything else you can imagine.  Second, I’ve been sick with a horrible cold since Christmas, and I’m just starting to get over it…I hope.

Beginning a new year always makes me very hopeful and reflective.  I always look back on the previous year and think what could I have done better?  Then I make goals for myself for the new year.  So far, I’m doing okay.  I’ve set a ton of goals for the course of the year, but if I can do well on meeting them, then I’ve decided that I’ll spend next Christmas or New Year’s in Tokyo.

First thing’s first though.  I need a part time job or at least a temporary one so that I can save up some money.

Still not feeling so hot, so I’m going to go for now.

One more step…

Thanksgiving Thoughts

 

Well, since the last time I posted a few things have happened.  First, I had to take Tai back to the vet to be weighed in order to get the right heartworm medicine for him.  He weighed 34 pounds!  He’d gained 11 pounds in one month!  So I started trying to figure out just out big he’s going to be.  My best guess is around 55 pounds.  However, there is the possibility of him being a 60+ pound little monster.  I’ve taken some more pictures, or rather my sister has taken more pictures of him to share.

You can see in the pictures just how big he’s gotten, especially when you compare him with our other chow Ming.  He’s getting in his adult teeth now, so he’s back to chewing on everything, especially socks, particulary my mother’s Tigger socks.  I don’t know what he has against Tigger, but he’s always sneaking into her room to get him.  He’s such a mess.  He’s also taken to waking me up in the morning.  If I’m not up by the time he thinks I should be he comes and bangs on my door.  He and Han are fighting a lot more these days since he’s getting bigger.  He doesn’t like to let Han boss him around anymore.  He also likes to bark at his own reflection these days as well as random articles of my mother’s clothing.  She had a particular top hanging on the kitchen chair, and he barked at it.

In other news, I have an interview!!!  But, I don’t know when it is actually.  LOL.  It was originally scheduled for next Tuesday, but I already had other plans that couldn’t be changed.  So, it’s still in the process of being reschuled.  It’s for a position in financial aid at a career college in Nashville.  So, hopefully it will go well.

Also, our family friend passed away on the 25th, which was the day she wanted to go.  So, although I’m going to miss her, I’m happy that she can be with her husband again the way that she wanted.  Her viewing is tomorrow, and her funeral is being held on Tuesday.  However, it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to go to the funeral because of the previous plans already mentioned for that day.  So, although my sister and I were supposed to sing a duet for her funeral, she may wind up singing a solo instead.  It’ll work out though.

The plans aforementioned are that I’m going to D.C. to visit a friend.  Everything is already set, and a change in flights would have cost $600.  So, even though I would love to attend the service, there’s no way to change the plans unless I just don’t go, which doesn’t seem right.  Plus, I know our friend would understand.

We’re getting ready for Christmas here.  We’ll be putting up our tree and decorating next Saturday.   Thanksgiving was fun.  My older sister and her family came to visit, and my sister and I cooked up quite a meal.  It was delicious!  I’ll have to post pictures of the meal later.  That’s all for now.

Until next time…

Rantings and Ravings

I’m going to be very honest.  The first part of this post is going to be nothing but a stream of complaints, so if you don’t want to read it, just skip down to the break.  But, I’ve got to get this out.  My parents are driving me crazy, literally.  I’m not sleeping.  My health is declining, and it’s all because of stress.  My parents are somewhere in the neighborhood of $18,000 in debt, and they don’t seem to care one bit some days.  It’s, “We’re out of soda.  Make sure you pick up popcorn.  I want candy corn.”  It’s like dealing with two kids, especially my mom.  She’s the worst about it because when you say we can’t afford that, she throws a tantrum and won’t eat dinner or won’t do the dishes or won’t take care of my dad.  It’s plain ridiculous.  I mean they owe more than $6,000 in taxes alone, which I also got blamed for by my mom.  Yep, that one was my fault since I was the one that filed them.  My mother’s solution to the problem was simply lying, nevermind the fact that it’s a federal offense.  There’s more than $1,600 of bills sitting on the table that can’t be paid this month, and I’m so tired of the stress it’s causing me to try and fix THEIR finances that I’m ready to go live in a cardboard box somewhere.  They complain about the dinners we make, and I just want to shout at them, “It’s a miracle we can even eat this well!”  My sister and I do all of the meal planning and grocery shopping.  My parents were probably spending close to or over $1,000 a month on food for three people before I moved in.  Now we stay around $650 for four.  Granted I still think that’s a bit high, but the sales taxes here are about 9.5%, which makes a big difference.  Thanksgiving this year is going to be tight, and Christmas is like a pipe dream. Despite knowing their financial situation, my mom still makes monetary promises to people without consulting me as well.  Because of the last incident of this nature, I now have to put off getting Tai fixed, which really annoys me because it’s something that really needs to be taken care of since it’s causing problems between him and the other dogs.  Right now my sister is really sick, most likely with some kind of sinus infection.  She can’t go to the doctor because she has no insurance and can’t afford the local clinic right now, and just this morning my parents said that she has to go to town for something.  I’m just ready to lose it.  SHE’S SICK!  The last thing any sick person wants to do is be forced to go into town for something, ESPECIALLY when it could have been easily picked up the last time we were there if anyone had said anything.  I think the biggest problem is that they don’t see us as adults, so our opinions don’t matter.  So, whether I’m in charge of their finances or not, I still don’t know better than they do.  It’s like we don’t have the right to say no.  I’m just so tired of being here.  I want my own life again away from them.  I remember now why I went AWAY to college.  I guess they just seem so selfish to me, and my mom is petty, manipulative, and untruthful on top of that.  She’ll flat out lie to me and smile all the while as if it’s some fun game to her.  I’m just so ready to wash my hands of the whole situation and say, “Fix your own problems.  You dug yourselves into these messes.  Get yourselves out of it.”  They don’t seem to understand that we’re here by choice.  We DO NOT have to stay.  I’m getting to be so desparate that I’ve been thinking about getting some kind of loan just so I can get out of here, but I probably can’t get one since I’m totally unemployed and can’t seem to find a job.  When I do find one, it’s always like the last day to apply and requires me to be in another city an hour away or something equivalent.  The sad thing about all this is that I’ve only been here for four months, and two weeks of that I was in Japan!  My sister’s been here for more than three years!  All it really boils down to is the fact that I’m weary, very weary.

 

On a much brighter note, Tai is getting really big.  I can just barely pick him up anymore, so I’m sure he weighs close to thirty pounds or so.  I have to take him in to be weighed this week, so I’ll know for sure.  He’s the one bright spot in my days right now.  Let’s see…anything else good…  Well, dinner is always fantastic.  I haven’t eaten so well in years, and we always try to mix it up and make new things.  This week were making curry soup and homemade sesame chicken.  I’m really learning a lot.  I might even be able to cut up chicken now!    I’ve seen a couple of good movies lately like Inkheart.  My sister and I splurged a bit for the family and got some Halloween candy for half off!  I’ve been listening to great music lately and may have to make a new CD for a friend of mine entitled Asian Invasion Vol. 4!    I’ve also been thinking about applesauce and missing my friends in Virginia.  I wonder if since I worked for more than have the year if I’m entitled to my yearly applesauce bonus!  LOL.  In any case, it’s not all bad, it just seems that way most days.  I’ll post again when I have something better to say than this.

Until then…

An October Overview

Just a little update…

I took Tai to the vet on the eigth, and he weighed twenty three and a half pounds!  He’s probably over twenty five by now.  I can barely lift him up, and he knows it.  He’s getting to be really stubborn about coming in for the night.  His pickiness also seems to be diminishing.  I think he’s too hungry to care anymore with as quickly as he’s growing.  He’s also beginning to shed his puppy fur, so you can begin to see what he’s going to look like once he’s fully grown.  We still have to take Han in for his yearly vet visit.  I think he’s put on weight as well, especially since he seems to eat like a horse.

I finally finished the taxes.  What a nightmare that was!  It’s not really over either.  My parents owe a very large sum of money, and now we have to figure out how to come up with it.  So, we finally got ahold of the IRS today, and after listening to the wonderful menus and music for fifteen minutes or so, we finally got a real person on the phone.  However, we could barely hear them and vice versa.  So, after a long phone call of repeating things, we found out that we have to wait on a piece of paper.  Go figure!

I’ve applied to work at a store for the Christmas season, and I hope that it works out because it is exactly what I need.  They’ll be starting interviews soon.

With all the extra time I’ve had, I’ve been able to pick back up a hobby of mine that I really love but haven’t had the time to mess with since I went to college.  So, I’ve begun cross stitching again.  It may seem like a pasttime for someone much older than me, but I really like it.  Therefore, my sister and I invested in a project each to keep us busy.

The only other thing that I really get to enjoy right now is the fact that my parents get KBS World.  It’s the international version of of a Korean station, so I get to watch some of my favorite shows actually on the television, even if it is delayed about three weeks.

Halloween is coming.  I’m not a very big fan of Halloween though.  There’s lots of good candy, and dressing up can be fun.  However, I don’t like all of the weird creepy stuff that comes with it.  Then after Halloween, there’s Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It’s crazy to think that the end of the year is almost here.

Well, I guess that’s it for now.

Until next time…

New Energy

Well, conference weekend was amazing just as I expected.  It gave me lots of new energy and restored my faith and hope in the future, and nothing’s better than that, right?  All I can do is my best, so that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m still looking for work, but my sister and I have developed a plan that we think will work well for us and our family.

Ari wants to finish up her degree at Middle Tennessee State University.  They have the programs that she wants, and they also offer graduate work in music if I want to go back to school as well.  The school is located in Murfreesboro, which is about an hour and a half north of where my parents live and just outside of Nashville.  Since it’s a very quickly growing area, it should be easier to find work up there.  It also has a public transportation system.  So, the plan is for me to find a job and an apartment.   Then Ari can take classes three days a week and stay with me while going to class.  The other half of the week she goes back to my parent’s house to check up on them and such.  We mentioned it to my dad, and he said that it didn’t seem unreasonable, so that’s the goal for now.

Tai continues to grow rapidly.  He’s definitely about twenty pounds now and is due to go back to the vet this week for another shot.  He’s still a cute fluffball though it does make finding a new place to live a bit difficult.  I wouldn’t give him up though unless I absolutely have to.

So the future looks brighter, and I’m feeling much happier and lighter.

Looking forward…

Trouble Trouble Trouble with a Capital “T”

There really hasn’t been that much trouble, but it does make for a catchy title.  The most troublesome thing right now is, of course, money.  I’ve been looking for a job, but I haven’t had any luck yet.  The pickings are pretty slim around here.  Even Wal-mart isn’t hiring.  So, it’s been a frustrating week of scouring papers and websites looking for a job.  I still haven’t been able to sort through my parents’ taxes either as there are key documents missing that I’m still trying to get ahold of.

Tai continues to be rambunctious, and one of his ears is finally standing up.  Once the other one is up, I’ll have to take more pictures.  He is still growing quickly and has begun to eat like a horse.  I’m sure he weighs eighteen pounds at least now.

Not much else is really happening right now.  I’ll update again if something exciting occurs.

Just keep swimming…

Thirty Pieces of Candy

Today I was watching a movie about Joseph in Egypt and discussing it with my sister.  Mistakenly, I turned to her and asked, “You wouldn’t have sold me for thirty pieces of silver, would you?”  Her answer?  “Maybe when I was little, but it would have been candy, not silver.  None of that cheap stuff though.”  So, you’d think she was talking about something like Godiva or Lindt, right?  No!  She would have been satisfied with plain old Hershey’s or Mars brand.  I’m not sure that was comforting to know. 

In other news, Tai is rather smart I’ve realized.  He sleeps in a pop up kennel in my room, and he knows how to flip it over.  So, usually I put a stepladder in front of it to keep him from turning it over.  I forgot to put the stepladder in place the other day but didn’t think much of it.  When I went to check on him, he’d flipped it over not once but twice!  What’s more is that he flipped it around the corner of my bed without knocking my hats off of the bedpost.  I have no idea how he did it, but I was laughing so hard, I almost fell over at the sight.

I took Tai to the vet for the first time to get a booster shot and a check up.  He barked and growled at the vet like crazy until she gave him some treats.  Then they were best friends.  Go figure.  He can be bribed with food just like me.  Other than that, he did really well.  He didn’t even yelp when they gave him the shot, and I found out that he weighs sixteen and a half pounds!  He gets bigger every single day I think, and his ears are almost standing up now.

My sister has been making Korean barbecue lately, and I’m definitely not complaining since it’s positively scrumptious.  So, to help her in her cooking, we picked up a meat tenderizer for her on Friday.  Well, she decided to use it last night to help prepare the meat to be barbecued today, and I guess she had some serious pent up aggression going because her pounding woke up Tai who was sleeping on the other side of the house.  He barked and barked and barked.  I guess he assumed someone was breaking in, not that he could have done much, maybe chewed on their feet like he does mine.  But, it’s nice to know I’ll have a good watch dog in the future.

Yesterday, we spent the day away from home.  We went shopping and just had a really nice time together.  It was good to be out of the house and not on my way to the ward building.

Today was ward conference, and all the talks were about how keeping God’s commandments leads to happiness, and after watching the movie about Joseph, I’ve been thinking that with faith and perseverance I can move forward.  The ward choir also performed today, so we were sitting on the stand.  I’ve found it’s a lot harder to concentrate on what the speakers are saying when I can’t see their faces. 

Tonight we made red curry, which is something neither of us have tried before.  It came out okay, but now that my sister has had it before, she can “fix it up”.  It was lacking a bit of flavor but had a nice burn to it.  I’m sure it’ll be killer the next time we make it.  I’m learning so much from helping her cook every night and Food Network, of course.    I think we’re going to make some chocolate chip pumpkin bread later this evening.  It’s really good stuff.

So for now, at least, lfie is good…

The Dog Days

Backed by the popular demand of one individual, here are more pictures of Tai and our two other dogs.  The first picture is of Han.  He’s a mutt and the oldest of our dogs.  He’s kind of jealous and has to have all the attention, but he’s also the most loving one.  Then there’s Ming.  She’s our cinnamon chow and Tai’s older half sister.  In this picture you can see her in her favorite spot, the back of our couch.  I think she may be part cat, and she is by far the quietest of our dogs as she almost never barks.  However, she is extremely proctective of her yard and hates bunnies and gophers the most.  Then, of course, there’s Tai in his favorite spot, on top of the air vent.  The last picture is of my favorite Tai face, the “Let me in” face.

Today all three of them were playing in the rain, and Tai got very dirty.  It started to pour rather suddenly, so we got them in too late.  He seems to love the rain though which, given the fact that he’s always hot, makes sense.  He also now sleeps in a little pop up kennel in my room.  He was sleeping in the bathroom before, but last night he wouldn’t have it.  He barked and whined until we let him sleep in my room.  Go figure.  When he’s in there, though, he’s as silent as can be.  He follows my sister and I everywhere like a little lamb, and I think we’ve finally gotten him housebroken.  Now we just got to make sure he stops trying to bite our feet though he’s getting better about that, too.  I think once his teeth are in, he’ll quit.

I think I’m beginning to believe that saying that dogs reflect their owners.  Tai is grumpy if he’s woken up and has to have absolute quiet when he goes to sleep.  He also likes to fuss at the other dogs when they bother him like an old auntie.  It’s rather funny.

Life is fairly boring right now though I’m back in a choir, which makes me happy.  It’s really small and not the best, but I don’t really mind.  It’s just good to be singing again.  Other than that I help my sister make dinner every night.  I hope that by watching and staying close to her while she’s cooking that maybe some of her skills will rub off.  In reality though, I should probably be taking notes, not that she really measures out anything anymore.   She’s one of those people.  I, on the other hand, measure out everything very carefully when I’m cooking.

Well, that’s all for today.

Until next time…

Settling In

Things have calmed down a lot since I got back from Tokyo.  I’m finally over my jetlag!  YAY!  I spend most of my day running after Tai.  He is one of the most energetic puppies I have ever seen, and his personality is about four times the size of his body.  I think he has some kind of size complex since he refuses to eat the little pieces of dog food or chew on his little bone.  Instead he eats the largest pieces in the bowl and wrestles the much larger bones from our older dogs.  He just doesn’t seem to understand that they’re bigger and stronger than him and could basically eat him. 

He’s also a very vocal dog, and I’m having a lot of difficulty getting him to stop barking in the house.  *sigh* Is this even a tenth of what new mothers feel like?  LOL.  Probably not!  I’m sure their lot is much worse. 

He also has really weird eating habits.  He prefers to drop his food on the carpet before eating it and will eat anything he finds on the floor or the ground.  I’ve even had to stop him from chewing on live spiders!  *shudder*  It was awful.

Speaking of spiders, I don’t know if it’s just this part of Tennessee or if my parent’s house is special, but I have never seen so many HUGE spiders!  They’re fast, too!  My sister and I have killed at least four or five gigantic monsters in the last week and a couple of their smaller friends.  What can I say?  I’m on a mission.

I’m still working on my parent’s finances and have begun the monstrous task of tackling their taxes as well.  When I’m not chasing my puppy around the house, I’m usually working on budgets or similar projects for them.

So, life continues on…